Paternal affection and intimate partner violence are linked in emerging Australian research in ways most men were never taught to name.
When a boy grows up with a father whose affection feels solid and real, it does more than warm his childhood. New evidence suggests it can shape how he loves – and whether he harms – in his intimate relationships decades later.
Recent reporting in The Guardian highlighted a world-first Australian study from the Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS) showing that around one in three Australian men say they have committed intimate partner violence (IPV) – including emotional abuse and physical violence – at some point in their lives. (The Guardian)
Behind that confronting headline sits a quieter, hopeful finding: paternal affection appears to be a powerful protective factor.
Paternal Affection and Intimate Partner Violence: What the New Study Found
The figures come from Ten to Men: The Australian Longitudinal Study on Male Health, which has followed tens of thousands of Australian boys and men since 2013–14. In their latest analysis, AIFS researchers reported that: (Australian Institute of Family Studies)
- By 2022, 35% of men in the study said they had used some form of intimate partner violence (emotional or physical) at some point in their lives.
- Men who reported strong affection from a father or father figure in childhood were 48% less likely to report ever using intimate partner violence as adults.
- Men with consistently high social support were about 26% less likely to report using IPV.
- Men with moderate or severe depressive symptoms earlier in the study were significantly more likely to use IPV later.
In other words, this is not just a story about “bad men”. It is a story about history, relationships, mental health, and the environments in which boys learn what love looks and feels like.
The study is also one of the first in Australia to look at the specific role of the father–son relationship – and especially paternal affection – in shaping violence risk in adulthood. (Honi Soit)
When we talk about paternal affection and intimate partner violence, we’re talking about prevention, not excuses.
The “Father Wound”, Paternal Affection and Intimate Partner Violence
This research lands directly inside the territory I’ve been writing about in my work on the father wound and men’s grief.
In my recent father-wound articles, I’ve explored how a man’s early relationship with his father often leaves deep, unspoken templates that shape how he relates, copes, and loves as an adult:
- When a father is emotionally absent or distant, a boy often learns that tenderness is unsafe or pointless. He may grow into a man who feels he has to harden up to survive, which can make it harder to stay open, curious, or non-defensive in intimate conflict.
- When a father is unpredictable or explosive, the boy learns to walk on eggshells. As a man, he may carry hypervigilance into relationships – easily triggered, quick to defend, and afraid of being humiliated or controlled.
- When a father is consistently affectionate and emotionally available, a boy has at least one embodied memory that strength and tenderness can live in the same man. Later, he is more able to be close, to apologise, to repair – without feeling that doing so makes him weak.
The Ten to Men findings put numbers around what many men already feel in their bones: the quality of the father–son relationship is not just “background”. The link between paternal affection and intimate partner violence is part of the risk and part of the prevention story.
You can read more of this context in my father-wound work here:
- The Father Wound: What It Is, How it Affects Men
- Father Wound in Men: Shame, Distance, and Hidden Grief
When history is too much, men go underground
In The Buried Life of Men, I write about how many men respond to early pain by going underground – burying their own history so they can keep functioning. The outside story looks competent; the inside story is often cramped, lonely, and full of things that never found words.
For some men, this burial becomes a quiet resignation or withdrawal. For others, especially when combined with poor mental health and low social support, it can spill out as control, emotional abuse, or physical violence.
The new data does not excuse any man’s use of violence. It does something different:
- It shows that violence is not random. It grows in specific conditions – including isolation, untreated distress, and early models of love that were hard, confusing, or absent. (Australian Institute of Family Studies)
- It also shows that tender, affectionate fathering is not “soft” – it is prevention work. When boys experience consistent affection from a father or father figure, they are measurably less likely to use violence in their own relationships later on. (Australian Institute of Family Studies)
You can explore more of this “going underground” pattern here:
What this means for men – and for those who work with them
For men reading this:
- If you grew up with a harsh, distant, or unpredictable father, it makes sense that closeness in adulthood might feel loaded or risky.
- If you recognise moments where anger, control, or shutting down have shaped your relationships, that recognition matters. It is the beginning of accountability, not the end of your story.
For practitioners, leaders, and organisations:
- This research strengthens the case for working with men’s histories rather than focusing solely on their current behaviour.
- It suggests that supporting fathers to be emotionally present and affectionate is a frontline strategy for preventing future violence – not an optional extra.
- It underscores the need to integrate mental health, social connection, and support for fatherhood into prevention efforts, rather than treating them as separate silos. (Australian Institute of Family Studies)
If you are a man trying to unlearn what you grew up with, you are not starting from scratch – you are starting from history. And history can be rewritten.