Grief After Death
You may find this page helpful if…
You may find this page helpful if you’re grieving the death of a family member, partner,
child, friend, work colleague, or someone who mattered to you in a way you didn’t expect.
Many men wonder whether they’re grieving the right way. They look at how other people
talk, cry, gather, and remember, and they assume they’re doing it wrong.
There’s no right way. There’s only your way.
Your grief will be shaped by the relationship you had with the person who died, what was left
unsaid, what you were carrying already, and what grief has looked like for you in the
past—even grief you never labelled as grief.
This page is a starting point. It gives you a short path to the right reads, five practical
questions that lead to the next step, and a clear option if you want help turning that step into a simple plan.
Choose your pace
5 minutes
1.
What has changed in you since the death?
Sleep, patience, focus, drive, appetite, work output, drinking/scrolling, isolation—what’s different?
What this gives you: one clear adjustment to make this week (sleep, workload, alcohol, or isolation).
Do this now: Choose one area that’s shifted most and make one change for 7 days (earlier bedtime, fewer late nights, reduce drinking, one walk, one day off overtime).
2.
What are you carrying privately that others don’t see?
What responsibility, worry, or task load have you taken on since the death?
What this gives you: one thing to take off your back—delegate, delay, or delete.
Do this now: Pick one load and choose DDD: Delegate (ask someone), Delay (push it back 2 weeks), or Delete (stop doing it).
1.
Start here if you’re still functioning day to day, but you can tell something has changed beneath the surface.
2.
Start here if grief is showing up as irritability, numbness, restlessness, or withdrawal rather than words.
15 minutes
1.
What has changed in you since the death?
Sleep, patience, focus, drive, appetite, work output, drinking/scrolling, isolation—what’s different?
What this gives you: one clear adjustment to make this week (sleep, workload, alcohol, or isolation).
Do this now: Choose one area that’s shifted most and make one change for 7 days (earlier bedtime, fewer late nights, reduce drinking, one walk, one day off overtime).
2.
What are you carrying privately that others don’t see?
What responsibility, worry, or task load have you taken on since the death?
What this gives you: one thing to take off your back—delegate, delay, or delete.
Do this now: Pick one load and choose DDD: Delegate (ask someone), Delay (push
it back 2 weeks), or Delete (stop doing it).
3.
What’s the one situation that triggers your worst moments right now?
Mornings, nights, weekends, family gatherings, work pressure, certain people, certain
places—what sets you off or drops you?
What this gives you: a trigger plan so you’re not blindsided.
Do this now: Write a two-line plan:
“When ___ happens, I will ___.”
Example: “When I get home and the house is quiet, I will walk for 15 minutes before
I sit down.”
4.
What version of “being a man” are you still trying to live by?
1. Think it through: write one sentence naming the “script” you’re tired of living by, and one sentence describing what you want instead.
2. Talk it through: have one honest conversation with one person one sentence about what you’re changing, and one clear ask (support, space, a boundary, time).
3. Work it through: do one reset for 20 minutes, then take one integrity action straight after (set a boundary, make a decision, repair one thing, stop one habit that’s costing you).
Do this now: Choose one mode and schedule it today.
5.
What’s your next step: steady yourself, reconnect, or get support? Pick one.
Steady yourself: one routine you’ll repeat daily
Reconnect: one conversation you’ll have
Get support: one call you’ll book
What this gives you: a single next move you can complete in 7 days.
Do this now: Choose one and schedule it (calendar it) before you leave this page.
4.
What works best for you this week: think it through, talk it through, or work it through? Choose one.
Think it through: write one clear sentence about what has changed since the death
and what you need this week.
Talk it through: contact one person and ask for one specific thing (a walk, a meal, a
lift, an hour of company, help with a task).
Work it through:do one hands-on reset for 20 minutes (walk, gym, shed job, fixing, cleaning) and then take one next step straight after.
Do this now: Choose one mode and schedule it today.
1.
Start here if you’re still functioning day to day, but you can tell something has changed beneath the surface.
2.
Start here if grief is showing up as irritability, numbness, restlessness, or withdrawal rather than words.
30+ minutes
Put one change in place for 7 days.
1.
Go deeper if you want a bigger-picture view of how grief shows up in men, plus clear language for what you’re experiencing.
2.
Go deeper if you want practical ways to carry grief through action, ritual, and safe community—not only talking.
Want a structure for the next 7 days?
The 7-Day Inner Compass Guide gives you a simple daily check-in and one practical step per
day.
If you want a clear next step
If things feel unclear or you’re carrying too much without a plan, book a 30-minute call.
You’ll leave with one practical adjustment and a simple 7-day plan you can put into action.
Safety Note: If you feel at risk, call Lifeline 13 11 14 (Australia). If you are overseas, call the Emergency Helpline in your area.