Mentoring Through The Maze

Shame After Loss: The Silent Deal Men Make to Avoid Owing Anyone


Shame after loss in men — man looking out a rain-streaked window, holding back asking for help

Main Points

Shame after loss in men results in many withdrawing from connections and relationships as they manage the impact of the change they are going through.

Accepting help can feel like a debt, a form of leverage, or humiliation, even when that is not the intention.

A simple check-in text can feel like the start of a conversation you can’t manage, with pity, advice, or expectations attached.

So you make a quiet deal with yourself: handle it alone so you don’t owe anyone, and so you don’t get treated like a problem. That deal buys relief for a few days. Over time it shrinks your world and hardens isolation.

This article names the deal, shows how it runs, and offers a practical way to accept support with clear edges, without losing dignity.

Shame After Loss Starts Simply: Why Men Leave Texts Unread

A mate sends a message to check in. You see it, you mean to answer, but you don’t. The message sits there.

Why don’t I just answer it?

It is not that you don’t care; it’s just that some conversations are too difficult to have when your emotions are raw, and life has side-swiped you.

The first thought for many men is usually “I don’t know what to say”. The second thought comes straight after it. If I answer, it will turn into more. More questions. More emotional weight. More pressure to explain, and the risk of being viewed differently. It isn’t the text itself, it’s what the text can open.

I have been watching Dog Park on ABC, and was reminded of this dynamic. In episode 3, Roland’s wife returns briefly from New Mexico to inform him she has taken a role for twelve months. She flies back to New Mexico with their daughter, leaving Roland behind. At a loss, he shuts himself in the house, drinks red wine and ignores all the people who come knocking at his door.

This is where the silent deal forms. It’s not a grand decision. It’s a small choice you make in your own head when everything feels harder than usual.

If I stay silent, I don’t have to manage the next part.

That’s how the silence starts. It begins as a coping move, and it can quietly become a pattern.

People often say, “Just reply.” They imagine the reply is a simple act. For a man carrying shame, the reply can feel like stepping into a situation where he will be exposed. Will he get pity? Will he get advice? Will he get the awkward voice that treats him as fragile? Will he get the offer of help that comes with strings? Will he get the follow-up call at the wrong time, when he is holding himself together by a thread?

If you’ve ever found yourself staring at that message and feeling irritated at your own delay, you already understand the problem. You can care and still not answer. You can appreciate the mate and still not want the conversation. You can want connection and still fear what connection will demand from you.

The messiness isn’t the text. The messiness is the internal maths running behind it.

Why do some men leave a message unread for days after a loss?

Most men aren’t trying to be rude. They’re trying to avoid a conversation they can’t carry. The message isn’t the problem. The problem is what can follow: questions, awkward sympathy, advice, or a long call when he’s already stretched. If he doesn’t know what to say, silence feels safer than saying the wrong thing. It’s also a way to keep control when everything else feels unstable.

Shame After Loss in Men After Major Change: How Shame Binds Grief

What counts as “loss” in this article?

It’s not only when someone dies. Loss can be divorce or separation, redundancy, illness, a parent declining, a friendship breaking, a move you didn’t want, or the slow realisation that your old identity doesn’t fit anymore. Loss means something important has changed, and you can’t put it back the way it was. Men often minimise these losses because they think loss only “counts” if it is dramatic. The body doesn’t care about that rule. If your life has shifted, it lands.

Loss and major change alter the facts of your life. It might be a death, a separation, a job ending, a health shift, a family rupture, a forced move, or the slow realisation that the old version of you is gone. Grief is often attached to the losses and changes we face. Shame is the voice that, for many men, complicates grief, because it turns how you are managing into a judgement about you.

What does shame sound like in a man’s head after loss?

It usually sounds like a verdict, not a feeling. It says, “You should be coping better,” “You’re a burden,” “You’re weak,” or “People will think less of you.” It often targets competence: being a provider, being reliable, being steady. Shame doesn’t just hurt; it changes behaviour. It pushes hiding, overwork, drinking, disappearing, and “I’m fine” scripts, because those moves reduce the risk of being seen.

Shame researcher Paul Gilbert (2000, 2003) identifies shame as a social rank emotion. It evolved as an early warning system: when you’ve violated group norms or shown weakness, shame signals that your standing in the hierarchy is at risk. For ancestral humans, losing rank meant potential exile from the group — a survival threat.

The silent deal is the brain’s attempt to prevent this exile: “If I hide the weakness and carry this alone, I can protect my standing.”

Shame after loss in men — man sitting at a kitchen bench with a mug, avoiding asking for help
Shame after loss in men — a man sitting at a kitchen bench with a mug, avoiding asking for help

What is the “silent deal” in plain language?

It’s the private rule: “I’ll handle it alone so I don’t owe anyone and I don’t get judged.” It’s self-protection, not a personality flaw. It forms when you feel exposed, and you don’t trust the support being offered. The deal works in the short term because it reduces contact and pressure. The cost is long-term: isolation grows, the load compounds, and the story “I only survive solo” starts to harden.

Ultimately, shame drives withdrawal. Shame is not only pain. It is a threat. It is the sense that something about you is now unsafe to show. Researchers often describe shame as involving global self-judgement and a pull toward hiding or escape. (Tangney & Dearing, 2002).

When shame binds onto grief, it arrests the natural grief process. Grief needs expression, oscillation between confrontation and rest, and social support. Shame blocks all three. You can’t express (too exposed), can’t oscillate (can’t rest while defending rank), and can’t access support (asking confirms the demotion).

Research shows shame suppresses emotional expression and intensifies isolation, especially in the aftermath of trauma and loss

Men often don’t speak these words out loud, but they live inside the behaviour that results. The silence, the disappearing, the unread messages, the reluctance to accept even small offers of help, the insistence on being “fine,” the push to keep working because work still offers a role where competence is visible.

When shame is running the show, contact feels like danger. That danger does not need to be logical to feel real. A mate can be kind and steady and still trigger the fear, because the fear is not only about the mate. The fear is about what it means to be the man who needs checking on.

I write about how shame builds emotional armour in men and how to break the pattern in: Vulnerability in Men: How Shame Builds Emotional Armour

The Quiet Deal After Loss: How Men Avoid Owing Anyone

The silent deal is simple. I’ll handle it alone, so I don’t owe anyone. Under that sentence sits another sentence many men won’t say, even to themselves. I’ll handle it on my own so I am not seen as needy.

This is not about men lacking emotion. It is about men protecting status, autonomy, and self-respect, often in the only way they were taught. Research on men and help-seeking indicates that masculine norms can make seeking support feel like admitting weakness, losing autonomy, or failing to be competent (Addis & Mahalik, 2003). When a man believes help will cost him respect, isolation can feel like the safer option.

What is “help with hooks” in real life?

It’s help that comes with a price tag. The price might be a lecture disguised as care, pity that feels like being looked down on, gossip, “I told you so,” or an expectation that you now owe access to your private life. Sometimes the hook is subtle: the helper takes control, tells you what to do, or keeps pushing for more emotion than you can give. A man can accept help and still reject hooks. That rejection is often healthy.

Many men have a history with this kind of help. Even if the helper means well, the man may still experience it as a loss of autonomy or as not being seen as competent. Once you’ve learned that lesson, it is rational to avoid the situation that triggers it.

So when the mate texts, the mind does a fast calculation. If I reply, I might get the kind of attention that makes me feel smaller. If I stay silent, I keep control. Control feels like safety. Silence feels like safety. Being alone feels like safety, at least in the short run.

The quiet deal is not made because a man wants to be alone forever. It is made because he wants relief right now.

The Hidden Cost of the Quiet Deal: Isolation After Loss

The quiet deal works for a few days. You get space. You avoid awkward conversations. You avoid being handled. You avoid follow-ups that feel like work. You keep your face intact. You keep your voice steady. You keep your role.

Then the consequences start arriving.

What’s the real cost of going quiet for too long?

The first cost is relational. Good mates stop asking because they assume you don’t want to be contacted. Partners start to feel shut out. The second cost is internal. Your nervous system stays “on” because you’re carrying everything alone, and that makes sleep, patience, and decision-making worse. The third cost is identity. The longer you stay silent, the more you start to believe the story that you can only cope alone. That story looks strong from the outside, but it makes life feel smaller.

Shame after loss in men — man in window light looking away, weighing whether to reach out for help
A lot of shame after loss in men is decision-making: reach out, or stay silent.

The distance, the loneliness. The mate who stops asking because he assumes you don’t want contact. The partner who starts to feel shut out. Your own nervous system staying on high alert because you are carrying everything alone.

This is where shame is clever. It offers you a bargain. It says, “Carry it alone, and you keep your standing.” But the bargain is false. You might keep your standing in public, but you lose ground in private. You might look steady, but your life shrinks. You might protect dignity on the surface, but you starve it underneath, because dignity needs truth as well as composure.

A man can be strong and still need support. The question is what kind of support keeps his dignity intact.

Dignity After Loss: A Better Anchor Than Shame

Shame is the fear that if people see you struggling, they’ll judge you and you’ll lose respect.

Is shame the same thing as embarrassment or guilt?

No. Embarrassment is usually smaller and passes quickly. Guilt tends to be about something you did and can repair: “I messed up.” Shame is about what you think you are: “I’m a mess,” “I’m weak,” “I’m a problem.” That difference matters because guilt can lead to action and repair, while shame often leads to hiding. After loss, shame often attaches to competence and status: “If I’m seen struggling, I’ll be treated differently.”

Dignity is the inner acknowledgement of your worth that is not cancelled by loss. Your dignity allows you to be in pain and still be a man of value. It says you can be struggling and still be respectable. It says needing support does not make you weak; it makes you human.

Researchers like Jacobson have shown that dignity is more than a feeling — it’s a social and structural force that helps people hold onto their worth after disruption.

This matters because shame will try to drag you into extremes. Either you are completely fine and fully in control, or you are exposed and humiliated. Dignity offers a third position. You can be honest without collapsing. You can accept help without being owned. You can set terms. You can keep boundaries. You can choose contact that fits your capacity.

When men understand and believe in their dignity, things like an unread message become easier to deal with, because the stakes drop. The text stops being a referendum on your worth. It becomes what it is: one human checking in on another.

If you would like to read more about rebuilding your dignity after loss, see: Rebuilding Dignity After Loss: Grief and Shame in Men

Help With Hooks: Why Men Reject Support After Loss

Help with hooks is support that changes the power balance.

Sometimes the hook is obvious. The person keeps score. The favour comes back later. Your vulnerability becomes gossip. Your story becomes somebody else’s entertainment. Sometimes the hook is softer. The person’s tone becomes patronising. The help comes with judgement. The help comes with subtle control. The help comes with the demand that you process your feelings on their timeline.

For men who have lived through that, the line “I don’t want pity” is not stubbornness. It is a boundary. Pity can produce shame responses in men, increasing the likelihood of withdrawal or deflection. It can make a man feel smaller at the exact moment he is trying to hold himself together.

This is one reason generic grief advice often fails men. It assumes the problem is emotional suppression, so the solution becomes “open up.” In reality, many men already have strong emotions they are trying to contain and resolve. They don’t need to “open up”; what they do need is a form of support that preserves dignity and doesn’t create debt.

How do I tell if support is decent or if it’s going to cost me?

Watch how you feel after contact. If you feel steadier, more capable, and still like yourself, the support is probably clean. If you feel smaller, managed, pressured to explain, or like you now owe ongoing access, that’s a hook. Also, watch how the other person handles boundaries. Decent support respects a limit the first time. Hooked support pushes past it, even politely. You don’t need to cut people off. You just need to choose who gets which level of access.

Bounded Support After Loss: The Kind of Help Men Can Accept

Support is helpful with clear terms.

It is practical. It is specific. It has a time limit. It has a clear endpoint. It does not require a full emotional debrief. It does not turn the man into a project. It does not change his standing. It respects his autonomy.

Men accept support all the time in ordinary life. They ask a mate to give them a lift. They ask someone to look over a document. They ask for a recommendation for a tradesman. They ask for a hand moving furniture. Nobody treats that as a weakness or questions the man’s competence.

After a loss or major change, the same approach can work. The aim is not to “talk about everything.” The aim is to reduce compounding strain and to keep the connection alive, without inviting pity or hooks.

This support also protects the helper. It tells the mate exactly how to show up. It stops the helper from guessing, overreaching, or turning the contact into a clumsy intervention.

A lot of men don’t need rescuing. They need clarity about the assistance they require.

Break the Quiet Deal: The Small Shift That Keeps Connection

You stop treating every check-in as an invitation to explain what you are going through, and you start treating it as a chance to keep a single line of communication open.

A man can reply without turning it into a long talk. He can acknowledge the mate without offering an update report. He can keep it short and still be honest.

It can be as simple as, “Thanks for checking in. I’m having a rough week. I’m handling the basics.”

If you want to protect the boundary further, you can add a second sentence that keeps the hook out. “I’m not up for a big chat, but I appreciate you asking.”

That is dignity in practice. You are not hiding. You are also not handing your life over to somebody else’s reaction.

If you left it too long and the delay now feels awkward, the repair can still be plain. “Sorry for the slow reply. I’ve been flat. Thanks for checking in.”

Men often wait because they think they need the perfect message. They don’t. They need a message that stops the silence from growing teeth.

The Finite Ask: A Practical Tool for Men Who Want Help Without Hooks

Some men can respond to a check-in without compromising their boundaries. Other men who struggle with boundaries feel the check-in as pressure, even with good mates. If you are in that second group, the tool that often helps is what I call the finite ask.

This drill comes from cognitive-behavioural work on distorted beliefs combined with interpersonal boundary practice. It gives you a structured way to test whether “accepting help means I’ll owe” is true or just the quiet deal running.

Before You Start: Notice the Body

The silent deal often shows up physically before it shows up in thought. Before you write the belief, scan your body:

  • Collapsed posture (shoulders forward, head down)
  • Averted gaze (looking away when thinking about asking)
  • Held breath or shallow breathing
  • Tight jaw, clenched hands
  • Sense of “shrinking” in your chair

These are shame’s signatures. Notice them. They’re protective, not proof you’re weak. The tool works with these signals, not against them.

Step 1: Write the Belief

Finish this sentence on paper:

“If I accept help with [specific situation], then [what I fear will happen].”

Example: “If I accept help with finding a new place to live, then I’ll owe my brother, and he’ll use it against me later.”

Step 2: Design One Finite Ask

Make one request. It must have:

  • Clear task: “Can you help me shortlist three rental options?”
  • Time boundary: “I need one hour on Saturday morning.”
  • End point: “After that, I’ll take it from here.”

Write it out word-for-word. This is your script.

Step 3: Add the No-Leverage Line

Add one sentence that protects the boundary:

“That’s all I need — no follow-up required.”

This line does two things. It signals you’re not creating ongoing debt. It reframes support as reciprocal rather than rescue.

Step 4: Make the Ask (This Week)

Use the script. Make the request. Notice what happens.

Step 5: Review the Evidence (4 minutes)

After the interaction, write down:

  • Did respect drop? (Yes/No/Unclear)
  • Did the person treat you differently? (Yes/No/Unclear)
  • Did you feel leveraged or indebted beyond the specific task? (Yes/No/Unclear)
  • Did connection rise or fall? (Rise/Fall/Same)

Most men find that respect didn’t drop. Connection rose. The fear was louder than the reality.

If the evidence shows the person is not safe, that is also useful. It tells you who not to ask next time. You aren’t failing because one person can’t handle it. You are learning where your dignity is respected.

When you use this exercise, you’re not trying to change your whole life in a week. You’re trying to get one result you can feel in your body: proof that asking once doesn’t automatically turn into debt, pity, or a loss of respect.

You’re aiming for one ordinary experience where you make a small ask, the other person responds in a steady way, and you walk away thinking, “That was fine. That didn’t cost me.” That single moment matters because it weakens the loop that keeps you stuck — the voice that says, “If I ask, I’ll owe forever.” Once you have evidence that the fear didn’t come true, the loop loses force. It doesn’t disappear, but it stops running the whole show.

Over time, the shift is subtle but important. Shame stops telling you that needing anything makes you weak, and it moves to where it belongs: as a feeling that shows up when you’re exposed. You can feel that exposure and still make the ask, because the outcome doesn’t confirm the fear.

Help becomes a competence decision, the same way you’d get a second opinion at work or ask someone to lift something heavy. You’re choosing the best move under pressure, not confessing failure. And isolation changes shape. It stops being the only respectable option and becomes one option among others, something you can choose when you genuinely need quiet, rather than something you’re forced into by shame.

This tool won’t resolve grief. It won’t undo what happened. It won’t erase shame from your life. It will reduce the additional pressure that shame adds to loss. It gives you one move that creates traction when you’re stuck and tired of circling in your head. It updates your threat assessment with real-world evidence rather than letting fear set the rules.

This is stabilisation work, not a makeover. You’re getting your footing back so you can think clearly and follow through.

If you would like to access other complimentary resources, see: Resources for Men | Self-Reflection & Mentoring Tools Perth

Going Quiet After Loss: What It Means and What To Do

A lot of men punish themselves for going quiet. They call it weakness. They call it failure. They call it immaturity. That self-attack is often shame, wearing a different mask.

Going quiet after a loss is often a coping move. It is a way of avoiding hooks. It is a way of avoiding pity. It is a way of keeping control when everything else feels unstable.

The correction is not self-shaming. The correction is to choose a better coping move that preserves your dignity and keeps lines of contact open.

That is why the mate’s text matters. It is one small place where you can either deepen the quiet deal or loosen it.

What’s a better alternative to disappearing when I’m not coping?

Replace vanishing with a short holding line. Something like: “I’m not up for much chat right now. I’ll come up for air later. Thanks for checking in.” That keeps the relationship intact without forcing you to perform emotion. It also stops shame from turning silence into a bigger problem. You’re not giving people a full report. You’re simply stopping the gap from widening. Most decent people can work with that.

The Questions Men Ask After Loss But Rarely Say Out Loud

Some of this will land only if it speaks to what you actually worry about. You might recognise these questions because they show up in your behaviour even when you don’t say them.

  • Will this turn into a long call I can’t handle?
  • Will he think less of me?
  • Will this get brought up later?
  • If I reply honestly, will it make things worse?
  • If I keep ignoring it, will I end up alone?
  • What do I say that is true and still keeps my dignity?

These are the questions many men ask themselves as they try to keep functioning during loss or major change.

Close the Loop: Replying Without a Big Talk

If you have an unanswered message sitting there right now, the simplest move is to close the loop with one sentence.

A reply that fits many men is, “Thanks for checking in. I’m having a rough run. I’m handling the basics.”

If you want to keep the boundary firm, you can add, “I’m not up for a big chat, but I appreciate you asking.”

If you left it too long, you can repair it without drama. “Sorry for the slow reply. I’ve been flat. Thanks for checking in.”

That is it. It is plain, it is honest, and it protects dignity.

If you want to go one step further this week, you can make one finite ask with clear terms, to test the belief that help always comes with hooks. Choose the person with the best track record. Keep the request specific. Keep the time limit clear. End it clean. Then watch what happens.

That is how you break the quiet deal without turning yourself into somebody you are not.

Key Points

  • Men often leave a mate’s message unread after a loss or major change because they don’t know what to say, and they don’t want the follow-up conversation that can come with pity, advice, or expectations.
  • The “silent deal” is the private rule: I’ll handle it alone so I don’t owe anyone, and so I’m not seen as needy or weak.
  • Shame complicates grief by turning “how I’m coping” into a judgement about me; it pushes hiding, withdrawal, and control moves.
  • Many men aren’t rejecting support; they’re rejecting help with hooks—support that feels like debt, leverage, judgement, gossip, or being handled.
  • Dignity is the counterweight to shame: your worth isn’t cancelled by loss, and you can keep self-respect while you’re struggling.
  • The silent deal gives short-term relief, but over time, it creates distance, loneliness, and nervous-system strain.
  • The support many men can accept is practical help with clear terms: one task, a time limit, and a clear endpoint—so it doesn’t feel like a debt or a big emotional debrief.
  • A “finite ask” tests the belief “help equals debt” by creating one small, controlled request and then checking the evidence: did respect drop, did hooks appear, did connection improve.
  • This tool doesn’t undo grief or the loss; it reduces the extra shame pressure that keeps men stuck and makes contact feel dangerous.
  • A simple, dignity-safe reply keeps the connection open without inviting a debrief: “Thanks for checking in. I’m having a rough run. I’m handling the basics.”

FAQs: Shame After Loss, Help With Hooks, and Dignity

What does “shame after loss” actually mean for men?

For many men, shame after loss is the fear that what happened has changed their standing. It is the fear of being seen as weak, diminished, or a burden. It often shows up as withdrawal, silence, overwork, and a strong urge to keep things contained. The loss hurts, but the shame adds a second pressure by turning the loss into a judgement about the man’s worth. Researchers describe shame as involving global self-evaluation and a pull toward hiding, while guilt tends to focus on behaviour and can motivate repair (Tangney & Dearing, 2002).

Why do men leave messages unread when they care about the person?

Usually, because they don’t know what to say, and they don’t want the follow-up. A check-in can feel like the start of a conversation that will demand more energy than the man has. He may fear pity, advice, awkwardness, or being treated as fragile. That does not make it a good strategy long-term, but it does explain why it happens.

What is the “quiet deal” in plain language?

It is the private rule a man makes with himself to reduce pressure: I’ll handle it alone so I don’t owe anyone, and so I don’t get lowered. It is a short-term coping move that can become a long-term pattern. It often protects a man from awkward support, but it can also cut him off from the steadier kind of connection that actually helps.

Isn’t this just pride or stubbornness?

Sometimes it can look like pride, but it is often protection. Many men have learned that being seen struggling can lead to judgement, pity, or loss of respect. Help-seeking research shows that perceived threats to autonomy, competence, and masculine identity can reduce men’s willingness to seek support (Addis & Mahalik, 2003). If a man expects help to come with hooks, avoidance can feel like the safer option. The better question is not “Why is he stubborn,” but “What cost does he expect if he accepts help?”

What is “help with hooks”, and why does it matter?

Help with hooks comes at a price. The price might be pity, judgement, gossip, control, score-keeping, lectures, or the sense of owing ongoing updates. Even when the helper means well, the man can experience it as being handled or lowered. This matters because men who have experienced hooks often reject support altogether, even when they would benefit from the right kind of help.

What practical support works for many men?

Practical support that helps has clear terms. It is specific, time-limited, and has a clear endpoint. It does not require a full emotional debrief. It keeps power with the man receiving help and reduces the fear of being owned. Many men accept bounded support more easily because it feels practical and respectful, rather than invasive or pity-based.

How do I reply to a mate without turning it into a big talk?

Use one true sentence that fits your capacity and closes the loop. A simple option is, “Thanks for checking in. I’m having a rough week. I’m handling the basics.” If you want to reduce follow-up pressure, add a boundary: “I’m not up for a big chat, but I appreciate you asking.” That keeps the connection without opening a long conversation you can’t carry.

What if I left it too long and now it feels awkward?

Keep the repair plain. “Sorry for the slow reply. I’ve been flat. Thanks for checking in.” Most decent mates will accept that. The awkwardness often feels bigger in your head than it is in real life. The longer you wait, the more shame can turn the delay into another verdict, so a short repair is usually better than waiting for the “perfect” reply.

What if people really do treat me differently when I’m struggling?

That can happen. Some people have low capacity for discomfort. Some people move into fixing or judging because they can’t sit with uncertainty. If someone treats you with pity or uses your hard week as leverage, that tells you they are not safe for this kind of support. It does not prove shame’s verdict about your worth. It helps you choose who gets access next time.

What if I don’t have anyone safe to ask?

Then the work becomes about building a single reliable point of contact with clear terms. Sometimes, that is a professional relationship in which boundaries are part of the arrangement. Sometimes it is one friendship you strengthen by keeping contact steady and practical. The aim is not a big group. The aim is one point of reliability, so you are not carrying everything alone.

Is this “therapy” advice?

No. This is mentoring-grade, practical guidance about how shame can drive isolation and how a man can keep dignity while staying connected. I provide mentoring services to men: Mentoring Services for Men | Grief Mapping & Masculinity Coaching

If you are at risk of harming yourself or you cannot stay safe, urgent professional support matters. In Australia, you can call 000 in an emergency, Lifeline 13 11 14, or Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636.

About the Author — David Kernohan

David Kernohan is a Perth-based men’s mentor specialising in male grief, father wounds, identity reconstruction, and recovery from high-control religion. He brings clinical foundations from his early training as a Mental Health Nurse, followed by more than 20 years of leading community, mental health, and legal organisations that support men with complex social and emotional issues.

David has served as Director of multiple Community Legal Centres and has held senior roles across homelessness, mental health, and crisis services. His work is shaped by lived experience — the death of his son, divorce, and leaving fundamentalism — giving him a grounded understanding of what it takes for a man to rebuild a life from the inside out.

References

Addis, M. E., & Mahalik, J. R. (2003).
Men, masculinity, and the contexts of help seeking. American Psychologist, 58(1), 5–14.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.58.1.5

Gilbert, P. (2000).
The relationship of shame, social anxiety and depression: The role of the evaluation of social rank. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 7(3), 174–189.
https://doi.org/10.1002/1099-0879(200007)7:3<174::AID-CPP236>3.0.CO;2-U

Jacobson, N. (2007).
Dignity and health: A review. Social Science & Medicine, 64(2), 292–302.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2006.08.039

Mahalik, J. R., Burns, S. M., & Syzdek, M. (2007).
Masculinity and perceived normative health behaviors as predictors of men’s health behaviors. Social Science & Medicine, 64(11), 2201–2209.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2007.02.035

Tangney, J. P., Stuewig, J., & Mashek, D. J. (2007).
Moral emotions and moral behaviour. Annual Review of Psychology, 58, 345–372.
https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.56.091103.070145

 

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